If only…

I’m not myself.

Metaphorically of course ‘I’ and ‘self’ are two different things however that’s not what I’m talking about.

No, what I mean is that I am not myself at the moment I’m writing this.

I’m not the person I believe myself to be. Indeed I would go further and say that I am not the person I need to be and I’m certainly not the person I want to be.

I am this person. And this person is a bit lazy, he doesn’t apply himself as much as he could. This person is attracted to the easy, the glamorous, the known. He tends to talk the talk but not walk the walk.

That person isn’t lazy at all. He is focused and applies himself to the task at hand. He resists the easy option and knows that it is the detail, the daily grind, the striding out into the unknown that gets results.
I think he’s a bit fitter than me too.

Hmm.

If only I could be that person. I know that my life would be so much better if I were him.

So what is it that he is doing that I’m not doing that makes him him and me me?
What does his desk look like? Is it tidy and well organised, or is it like mine?
Does he spend too much time on social media? Or does he use it sparingly and for a purpose? Does he limit his time on it, or does he get caught up in it as I do?
I wonder if he invests his time in meeting new people and attending new events where the people are that he wants to make connections and build relationships with? Or does he just do the same thing repeatedly hoping it will bring different results?
I’m curious as to whether he plans his day so that he knows what it is he is doing, what he is going to achieve and then set about it methodically and with focus until it is completed? Or does he sort of start something and then gets distracted and doesn’t complete it thinking that there’s always another day?

I wonder how he thinks? I wonder what actions he takes that I don’t?
I wonder where he’ll be personally and professionally next year? In five years?
I wonder where I’ll be?

If only I could be him. It just sounds like hard work frankly.