I was lucky enough to be in Italy recently to enjoy another round of the MotoGP. I was taking a short break from my Cognitive Hypnotherapy practice in Richmond and I was hoping for a slightly better outcome than that in Silverstone.

The San Marino MotoGP, to give it its official title, is actually held in Misano and we chose to stay in the town for the race. The qualifying takes place on the Saturday and both me and my partner headed to the circuit early in the morning to see who would take pole position. I am a supporter of a Spanish rider, Jorge Lorenzo, who is currently riding for Ducati. My partner however is a dedicated Valentino Rossi fan, as is seemingly virtually every other person who attended the race. He’s a huge presence in the sport and commands a lot of love and respect amongst fans. His record speaks for itself.
I bought a hat and t-shirt to show my support for Jorge Lorenzo (number 99) and my partner was already bedecked in the yellow of Rossi. At the end of the day I walked back to the town happy – Jorge had qualified in the top spot and would be first on the grid for the race. Rossi was further down the positions.

So that night we wandered into town to eat and I wandered around proudly showing off my allegiance. Jorge was on pole and I supported him and so I felt great. I was associated with success. You can see in the photograph how happy I am, (or smug as my partner described it).

Sunday came. Another beautiful and hot day and we enjoyed all the preceding races until the main event – the MotoGP.
Jorge made his way to the front quickly and stayed there for a while, until his Ducati stablemate Andrea Dovizioso overtook him and stayed at the front. The race continued with the most exciting racing now being between Jorge and Marc Marquez, who were constantly battling for second position and both pushing which meant a lot of switching positions. It was great. And then with two laps to go – disaster! – Jorge Lorenzo crashed. His race was over. Despite remounting he finished seventeenth. Rossi came in seventh.
Walking back to the town after the race I didn’t feel quite as smug as I had before. Jorge had had a great race and pushing and crashing is a part of racing but I really wanted to be associated with success – with a winner – and it hadn’t turned out that way.

A lot of us do this a lot of the time – we allow our worth and value to be linked with or dictated by the attitudes, successes and failures of other people. We are linking our worth to something external to ourselves. Now my example is reasonably trivial and of course there’s nothing wrong with enjoying the successes (or otherwise) of those whose skills we admire and who we respect for their abilities.
What I see all too often though is people who in their daily lives look to others for validation. They value their own ‘worth’ by how others treat them and what others say about them. So they are completely at the mercy of others, and the truth is we cannot control how others treat us or how they see us.

How much better to know our own value and worth and that it isn’t dependant on how others choose to see us, or deal with us. That we are not better or worse simply because somebody chooses to say something positive or negative. Often it’s not even about you. It’s about whatever it is they are struggling with at that time.
I’m not saying ignore everything that people say to you – there well may be learning in it and we want to be open to growth. Just don’t equate your worth and value with what that person is saying in that moment. It’s an exhausting and damaging rollercoaster ride.
Look inwards – knowing that who you are right now has value and worth, and that value isn’t increased or diminished just because somebody says something positive or negative.

It’s not always easy to understand why we do this, or why our unconscious mind is looking to others for validation. If you’re actually looking for clarity why not have a conversation with me?.

The next MotoGP race is this weekend in Aragon. My money’s on Jorge Lorenzo…just not my self-worth.