One of the questions I always ask when I first meet a client and after they’ve shared what is currently going on for them is, “What do you want from me?”
Sometimes I’m met by silence. There may be a retelling of what they’re experiencing. Now and then somebody will ask me to just make it ‘different’. Then of course I ask how they want me to make it different.
What I’m looking for is clarity; clarity about why they are sitting in front of me, about what made them contact me. I know what a big step it can be for many people to reach out and share their issues with a stranger. So I want to ensure that they have an idea about what outcome they want from the work we do. Often it’s expressed as a negative – just get rid of my problem and then I’ll be happy/calm/free/confident, etc.
With certain issues, such as phobias, it’s relatively straightforward. “I don’t enjoy flying and I get anxious at the thought of it”. And when I ask the question they tell me that they don’t want flying to be an issue or even to enjoy it and that they no longer want to be anxious about the thought of flying.
When we have an issue we often focus on the problem, after all it’s a problem and we are very aware of it. We want it to simply go, to disappear. Get rid of it please. And then…? Then I won’t have it.
What I’m looking for is what will they have in its place and how will they know that they no longer have the problem. My question is the first step in helping the client to determine why they are there and what it is they are looking for – specifically. It’s not just about ‘getting rid’ of the problem; it’s about starting to get them to discover and notice all the qualities and beliefs that mean that they no longer have the problem. Otherwise how do you know? There has to be something different – a different feeling, a different belief, a different physicality, different actions – that means you are no longer feeling what you did before, that you are no longer believing what you used to believe, that you are not physically the same. You are now taking helpful and positive action. This is change.
Of course I don’t ask just one question. It’s just the beginning, the beginning of clarity – for me and, most importantly, for you.
If you’d like to start the process of change then why not take the first step and contact me for a chat. I love to discuss the ways I can help you and to help you find that clarity in your life.