I haven’t written a blog for a long time now. In fact the last blog I wrote and posted was in December last year (2019). It’s not unheard of is it? Blogs are started with enthusiasm and after a while they so often just fade away. I’d like to say that that didn’t happen with me. I focused more on video and so made more video blogs than written ones. But what really stopped me writing, or why I no longer felt like sharing what I was thinking was my reaction to lockdown.
I had to deal with the impact of what was happening the same as everybody else. Of course my reactions and thoughts were my own. I noticed a lot of people telling others how they should react, what a good opportunity it was, how they were dealing with it, and more besides. I didn’t want to do that. It wasn’t taking the moral high ground. I just didn’t feel I was in any position to offer anything that I felt was useful. I also felt that there was so much information being presented – on the news, on the radio, the media generally and also in my inbox. Personally I didn’t appreciate the noise of it all. I didn’t want to add to it.
I was also going on my own journey (how we love the journey metaphor) and every day was somewhere different. We had just moved to a new house in a new area (Walton on Thames) and within weeks we were in lockdown. We didn’t really know anybody. We didn’t know what the impact was going to be, on us as individuals, as business owners, as a couple, or anything. A lot of uncertainty and a lot of doubt. I did my best to deal with it in the most helpful way. Sometimes that felt like sitting down and watching Marvel movies all day. Sometimes it meant listening to music. I did notice that I stopped reading fiction and that I only found comfort in factual work. Like many I started to use the time to ‘improve’ myself – I threw myself into improving my German only to find that I lost interest three weeks later.
I continued to work – online. I used the time to improve a lot of my business front end – how people can work with me, book calls, etc. I continued to work with clients and found ways to make the technology work for me and my clients. Finding a different way to work, a different emphasis – methods that were more effective for the way I was working. I continued to network. I stopped exercising (my regular swimming now not possible). I put on some weight. I worked hard to appreciate what I had – my health, somewhere to live, a garden (which meant camping now and then), a supportive partner. Things that are easy to forget.
I decided to focus on those things that were helpful for me. Not for anybody else, but for me. I decided to study something so that I had a focus that was outside of the situation. That was very helpful. I decided to focus on how I can help others who were struggling. I took my Meetup group online.
There was no right way to handle that time. I just did the best job I could. I learned a lot about myself. Some of it was surprising, some of it perhaps a little disappointing, some of it ongoing. I discovered how important structure is to my life. I also discovered how important the normal hustle and bustle of life is to me. And of course, like so many, how important it is to see people, to have physical contact with them, to enjoy their company in person. And that’s the thing I’m still really missing.
I don’t know what the future will bring. How can I? Who does? I can only do what I feel and believe is the right thing for me. Finding ways to do what I love, which is the work I do helping others, working on myself. And that’s not something I do alone. I’ve had the support of many during this time – finding strength in that support.
I’ve failed many times and every time I have it’s revealed useful information. I’ve learned something that’s helpful.
We are where we are. No amount of wishing things were different is going to change things. I can only continue to do the best I can do, what I believe to be helpful and that supports what I want to achieve.
So what’s the point of this blog? It’s definitely not marketing. No, it’s just to share with you what’s been going on for me. I’d like to think that if another lockdown came along I’d be better prepared, but I’m not so sure. I can learn but that doesn’t mean that the next time is going to be the same. I can only continue to do my best, whatever that means.
I’m swimming again. I’ve stopped reaching for the biscuits every time I walk through the kitchen. I’m recognising that it’s alright to have done what I’ve done. After all it’s the best I could have done at the time.
I’d love to hear how things have been for you.
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